Well, the day has come. We knew it was coming, but to actually hear it as an "executive order", makes it real. We will not be returning to school this year...the school building that is. School is still happening in this new way of "normal", but we won't be returning to a brick and mortar school building. We have been out now for 5 weeks beyond Spring Break.
I feel like I've been robbed. Robbed of my opportunity to love on and educate my kiddos in person. Robbed of a safe, stable environment for my students. Robbed of my own personal need for adult interaction with the most amazing coworkers. People don't realize the bond between a teacher and their students. They become a part of our hearts and soul for life. We forever remember their little quirks and their crocked smiles and unique laughs. We worry about their well-being outside of our classroom and whether they are emotional, mentally, and physically taken care of. There are so many things left that I wanted to teach them, to show them, for us to do together. All the fun end of year activities. In a way I feel like I've failed this group of students, I wasn't able to give them the full 5th grade experience and to teach them all they need to know. But, then I stop and think, maybe I was meant to have these students this year as this happens. Maybe we're supposed to navigate this together. Maybe they are what I need right now. I love seeing their sweet faces on our weekly Google Meets and hearing their voices. I love that they've taken on the challenge of complete online school, literally overnight, and they are rocking it. Maybe the lesson I was supposed to teach them was perseverance and grace. Just maybe, I will be able to teach them more than math, perhaps more importantly, life lessons that will make them ready for life outside of my classroom.
I'm heartbroken for my own child. She sobbed when I told her that we would not be going back to school. She misses her teachers and friends and with her birthday being the end of May she is terrified that she won't have a party and won't see her friends. She has made such amazing bonds with the staff at the primary school and she will not be returning...ever. Next year she will be moving on to the elementary school and I am happy that we made this move to Robinson, because I know that staff is just as amazing and we have already made such great relationships there as well. This is when I feel super guilty for only having 1 child. She has no playmate other than Adam and I and we can't even invite a friend over. I just pray that through this she learns patience, resilience, and grace for all.
I know that we will all be better off as a human race after this. We will all come closer to our families and learn how to live more peacefully. I just pray that this is over soon!
To my students...know I love you, I'm here for you, and we will be together again somehow when this is over. I have to have one last hug!
